Six states, a new baby, and a natural disaster..part one

We headed out early Sunday morning, 7:30 AM, to be exact. We traveled exactly ½ a block before I realized I had forgotten my purse and the vacation fund with it. Whipping a u-turn we returned to home to pick up my purse. Kurt just looked at me and shook his head. “It wasn’t on the list.” As if that explained it all.

Once again we headed out. This time with all belongings packed, or should I say crammed into Monty, out ’04 Mitsubishi Montero Sport. We had decided to take the eastern route through eastern Oregon. Our first stop was Burgerville in the Dalles. A large billboard proclaimed LAST BURGERVILLE. So of course we had to stop. Two milkshakes for the road. Like I need that. But hey, this is VACATION.

We had decided to trade off every ½ tank. So it went. I drive, Kurt drives. We fueled up regularly at the ½ tank mark. Is it rape if you are paying someone to rape you? At least in Oregon they insert the nozzle for you.

After leaving Oregon we ventured into the red state of Idaho. Now, I know Idaho is red, the governor there is Republican and their Senators are republican, so WHERE THE HELL is all the money going? Their roads are hideous. It was like driving on a backwoods dirt road doing 80 miles per hour. Not a pleasant experience. Any way after bouncing and jostling our way through Idaho we entered Colorado. Where I instantly exclaimed, “What the Fuck are we doing in Colorado?” Kurt, the navigator at this time, grabbed the map and breathed easier. “See, we have to go through this one corner.” Ok then, we were not lost and driving in complete circles. All was well. On to Mormon Mecca, a.k.a. Salt Lake City.

We arrived in the outskirts of the Mormon City at around 9:30 pm mountain time. Looking for a cheap but clean place to sleep we went with the standard (perhaps below standard) Motel 6. It had all of the prerequisites we were looking for, cheap & clean. Oh and did I say character? Outside of their motel room door Ma & Pa Kettle and their fifteen children were grilling up some chicken. And Billy Bob down the way laid his empties outside the door for the maid to pick. Mighty kind of him.

On day two we awoke the next morning and once again began our journey south. For our breakfast fair we stopped at IHOP. There is just something very disconcerting to a liberal democrat walking into an IHOP at 7:00 am and being surrounded by people with belt buckles bigger than my ass, country music playing on the sound system and American flags in every format known to mankind draped & hung over every available surface.

Quickly consuming our breakfast, we jumped back into Monty and started to put Utah behind us as quickly as possible. Which apparently when you are driving state to state is not that quick. Several rest stops later, a nice lunch in Red Rock, and the purchase of a wooden flute for Kurt, we pulled into Albuquerque, New Mexico. A travel time of about 12 & ½ hours.

We rolled into the Best Western Executive Suites and procured ourselves a room complete with internet, two queen beds and free breakfast, a major step up from Motel 6.
Day three: We wake in the Best Western and stagger bleary eyed down to our free breakfast. We are greeted by some wannabe cowboy and cordially grunt at him. In our defense we haven’t had ANY decent coffee since leaving Oregon. He, the wannabe cowboy, annoyingly questions us, “What, you people don’t know how to smile?” I instantly reply with a completely fake smile and bravado I REALLY DO NOT feel before coffee, “Oh I am so sorry, I just am a bit tired. We have been on the road. We are from Washington.” In my mind I am thinking …”What the fuck do you care?” Of course I would NEVER say anything of the sort. Kurt & I make small talk with the wannabe and quietly consume our free breakfast.

Repacked and on the final leg we hit the road. Only 300 + miles to Las Cruces. Whoo Hoo!!! Bethany here we come.

Next entry… Oh my God!!!! Where is Noah when you need him?